We often think of "holding space" as a metaphor—but how do we actually do it? Consider the phrase "hold space." How does anything hold something, whether it be space, water, or anything else? It must provide a container.
Holding space for yourself is essentially about creating a container—learning containment. This is something I believe more people need to develop, as it is one of the most vital tools for working with ourselves and others. Without containment, emotions can feel overwhelming, experiences can be chaotic, and personal growth can become disorganized. Holding space for yourself is an act of care, structure, and presence. Here, I break down the steps to do this effectively:
1. Create a Dedicated Time and Space
Holding space for yourself begins with setting aside intentional time and a physical environment for self-reflection, processing emotions, and tending to your internal landscape. Life moves fast, and without deliberately making space, our emotions and deeper needs often get neglected. Aim to create a consistent practice—whether weekly or daily—where you hold yourself in presence. This could look like sitting in meditation, journaling, moving your body, or engaging in any practice that allows you to be with yourself without distraction. Consider:
Setting aside a specific time each week for emotional check-ins.
Creating a quiet, safe environment that feels nurturing.
Treating this time with the same level of importance as any other commitment.
Lay down in Ready Position (knees bent, feet flat, arms alongside your body) presence, attune and listen to what arises.
2. Recognize Your Body as the Primary Container
Your body is your first and most fundamental container—it holds you in every moment of your existence. Learning to hold space for yourself means learning to care for and strengthen your body container so that it can support you emotionally and energetically. This doesn’t mean pushing yourself into extremes but rather cultivating balance: strength, flexibility, rest, and nourishment.
Ways to honor your body as a container:
Stretch and move regularly to release tension and stored emotions.
Build physical strength to enhance resilience and grounding.
Prioritize rest and relaxation to allow integration and restoration.
Eat nourishing foods that support your energy and well-being.
3. Hold Your Emotions Without Repressing or Releasing Prematurely
One of the most difficult yet powerful aspects of holding space for yourself is learning to hold emotions without either suppressing them or pushing them out prematurely. This requires presence and a deep trust in the natural flow of emotions. Often, we are conditioned to either ignore difficult feelings or try to release them immediately, but true emotional containment involves staying present with emotions until they naturally shift on their own.
A helpful analogy is holding a snake. If you squeeze it too tightly, you harm it. If you fail to move with it, you drop it and lose control. Holding emotions is much the same—it requires attunement, a willingness to feel, and an ability to track what’s happening inside without forcing or resisting.
Practical ways to practice emotional containment:
When strong emotions arise, pause before reacting. Slow down.
Name what you’re feeling without judgment (Fear, Anger, Sadness, Disgust)
Track the sensations in your body—where do you feel the emotion physically?
Breathe into the feeling and allow it to be there without needing to control it.
Recognize when emotions shift naturally, without force. Allow. Track. Meet.
4. Develop a Relationship with Stillness and Presence
In a world that constantly demands action and distraction, holding space for yourself means cultivating stillness. Presence is the key to containment—without it, we leak energy, avoid discomfort, and struggle to hold ourselves fully. Learning to sit with yourself, in silence, without reaching for external stimulation, is a practice that strengthens your ability to hold space.
Ways to cultivate presence:
Practice breathwork or meditation to center yourself.
Limit external distractions during your self-care time.
Observe thoughts and emotions without immediately reacting.
Engage in activities that bring you into the present moment, such as walking in nature, mindful movement, or creative expression.
5. Be Compassionate and Flexible
Holding space for yourself isn’t about perfection—it’s about care, consistency, and self-trust. Some days will be easier than others. Some emotions will feel heavier than others. The key is to remain compassionate and flexible, adapting to what you need in the moment without self-judgment. The more you practice, the more natural it becomes to hold yourself with love and steadiness, no matter what arises.
6. Develop Internal Witnessing (Observing Without Identifying)
One of the biggest challenges in holding space for ourselves is getting lost in our emotions or thoughts rather than witnessing them. Developing an inner observer—the ability to notice feelings, patterns, and reactions without being consumed by them—can make a huge difference.
Practice noticing your emotions and thoughts as passing experiences rather than absolute truths.
Ask yourself: “What is present for me right now?” without trying to change it.
Journaling or voice-recording your reflections can help you externalize thoughts without getting stuck in them.
7. Create Rituals for Integration and Completion
Holding space for yourself isn’t just about making room for emotions and experiences—it’s also about knowing how to integrate and close the container when needed. Just like in deep therapeutic work, it’s important to have ways to come back to yourself after processing.
Have grounding practices for after intense self-work (like a walk, tea, or body movement).
Set an intentional ‘closing’ moment at the end of your self-space (like a breath, a mantra, or physically tidying your space).
Track your process—how do you feel before, during, and after holding space? This builds awareness over time.
Give yourself a time limit - open and then close. Creating space for choice in this process.
8. Learn When to Ask for External Support
While self-holding is a vital skill, part of true containment is knowing when you need outside support and someone else to help contain and hold. Sometimes, emotions or experiences are too overwhelming to hold alone, and seeking guidance is actually a sign of strong self-awareness.
Notice when you’re looping in the same emotional state without resolution.
Ask yourself: “Am I holding this in a way that allows movement, or am I just enduring it?”
Reach out to trusted support systems (a mentor, therapist, or community) when needed.
Ultimately, holding space for yourself is a lifelong practice—one that deepens as you build trust with yourself. By creating a container, tending to your body, allowing emotions to move without force, and cultivating presence, you develop an inner sanctuary—one that can hold and support you through all of life’s experiences. The more you practice, the more you realize that self-containment is not about control but about presence, allowing, and deep self-care.
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