One of the most impactful pieces of wisdom I’ve carried from my mentor, Hal, is his frequent reminder: "Tell the truth faster, have more fun per hour." It sounds lighthearted, and it is—but there is profound truth beneath those words. Speaking the truth allows us to live in greater alignment with ourselves, freeing us from the weight of unspoken words and hidden realities.
While the act of speaking the truth to others is crucial—creating deeper, more authentic relationships—it’s not the full story. The most important aspect of truth-telling begins within. Self-honesty is at the core of living authentically. Hal often spoke of how many of us live “as if”—as if we are a certain way, behave a certain way, or believe certain things, when deep down, we aren’t truly aligned with those behaviors or beliefs.
The "as-if personality" often functions well outwardly, appearing agreeable, doing what’s expected, and generally being liked. This style of relating typically stems from a feeling experienced in childhood—that who we truly were didn’t gain us the love, respect, or nurturing we needed. In response, we hid what we believed were our flaws and adopted a pseudo-personality. We crafted a version of ourselves based on what others expected of us—perhaps a reflection of our parents’ wishes or even a fantasy character we admired. This mask, though seemingly helpful in the short term, creates a deep disconnect from our true self.
My experience of receiving these teachings and doing my best to live them is that it is not easy. The work happens in layers, with one truth revealing another. As we start to uncover our true selves, we often realize it requires support. In my own journey, Hal was that support for me, helping me understand myself and bringing awareness to the ways my upbringing influenced why I hid from both myself and others. It’s a process of sifting through our reactions and asking ourselves, “What is the truth here, really?” This inquiry helps us dig deeper beneath the surface of our automatic responses.
An important part of this process is learning to embrace our judgments, which is something I explored in a previous article. If you’re interested in diving deeper into this topic, you can find that article here. Understanding our judgments helps us confront our inner barriers and paves the way for deeper self-honesty.
Breaking free of this “as if” illusion requires immense courage. It challenges the very identity we’ve worn for so long, asking us to be brave enough to face the truth about who we are. Self-honesty forces us to confront uncomfortable judgments and be humbled by what we uncover about ourselves.
This kind of truth-telling isn’t easy. It challenges our ego and often asks us to step into uncomfortable territory. But in that discomfort, there is immense freedom. The more we embrace the truth, the more grounded we become, creating space for greater ease, joy, and flow in life.
As we embark on this path, let us remember that truth is a practice. One that not only asks us to be honest with the world around us but, most importantly, with ourselves. When we cultivate self-honesty and break free from the “as if” illusions we hold, we open the door to more meaningful experiences and a deeper connection to life’s richness.
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